We made the transcription of the event (just the part with Elizabeth and Damon). Enjoy!
Damon: As some of you might or might not know I was a writer on Lost and Elizabeth is the marvellous actress who portrayed doctor Juliet Burke. We thought it would be fun if we did a little role reversal here. Since I never presented an award before, I get to do a little acting. And Elizabeth suggested in turn she get to write what we’re saying right now. How am I doing so far?
Elizabeth: You’re doing really well. Try to, you know, pretend you’re saying the words. Don’t look at the teleprompter so much.
Elizabeth: Good, it’s more intimate.
Damon: Got it. Our first award is outstanding stunt coordination. You know, watching that scene, realizing you gave such a physical performance with the chains, the hanging, and the falling to your death, that was just one of LOST’s most iconic moments. You were just absolutely riveting there.
Elizabeth: Thank you, Damon. didn’t know that you felt that way. I appreciate that.
Damon: Well, I meant it. And I have to say that killing off Juliet was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done in my career, and I’ve done a lot of stupid things. I don’t even know how I sleep at night with the guilt of having done what I have done.
Damon: The guilt of executing the character who was so clearly beloved by the audience. Let’s face it, I am a poopy-head, a stupid, smelly poopy-head who smells like poop. Maybe I should have written this.
Elizabeth: You had your turn to write.
Damon: Our next award is for special visual effects for a series. Why don’t you tell me about this category, Elizabeth. And please speak slowly because I am a moron.
Elizabeth: Sure, Damon, visual effects can transport you to another galaxy, take you to a gunshot wound with chilling detail or bring aliens to the skies above New York.
Damon: Oh, like your hit television program “V” coming back to abc this November?
Elizabeth: I’m so happy you remembered. Yes. Exactly.
Damon: Pretty hard to forget.
Elizabeth: Thank you.
And emmy for outstanding visual effects for a series goes to the team from CSI, crime scene investigation.
Damon: And the emmy for outstanding special visual effects for mini series, movie or a special goes to the team from “the pacific” part five.
Elizabeth: And the emmy for outstanding stunt coordination goes to “Flash Forwards”.
And the emmy for outstanding main title design goes to the team from “Born to Death”
Damon: our next award is for outstanding original main title theme music.
Elizabeth: Oh, Damon. Could uh-hum the theme music?
Damon: sure. Woooo.
Elizabeth: Wow. That’s just brilliant.
Man: Yes. But can he hum the theme to “60 “
Damon: the emmy for outstanding main title theme music goes to “nurse jackie,” Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman.
Our final emmy is for outstanding guest actor in a drama series. And now if I can improvise for a second. Elizabeth, I just want to say sincerely, “LOST” wouldn’t have been “LOST” without you. We love you and probably the show never would have been canceled if we hadn’t killed you off.
Elizabeth: Hold on. Thank you. I’m happy that you feel that way. Really. I thought you wanted the show to end.
Damon: Oh. We just tell people that. Not at all true.
On to the award. Among the nominees are a cut-throat industrialist, cut-throat campaign manager, cut-throat ad man, cut-throat president of the united states, and the guy who actually cuts throats.
Elizabeth: and the emmy for outstanding guest actor in a drama series goes to John Lithgow.